If you were just dumped unexpectedly, you may become terribly depressed. But this is not necessarily a healthy response to your breakup. If your breakup truly was unexpected, then your partner did something wrong (besides all the things he might have done wrong in the relationship). He did not give you a fair chance to realize that he felt less than fully happy in the relationship. Sure, maybe you missed or ignored cues that he was unhappy. But it’s not your fault. He could have been more explicit about his dissatisfaction.
Or perhaps he couldn’t. Perhaps he just suddenly ran into the one right gal in the world, fell in love and told you as soon as he could. It does happen that we suddenly fall in love with someone else. Those kinds of rebound relationships may not last long but they do happen and sometimes there is nothing we can do about it once we have already falling in love.
Either way, though, you have a right to be angry. If your partner did not give you any signs that he was unhappy or if he put himself in a situation that allowed him to fall in love with someone else before ending your relationship, then he is a big coward, a jerk. You should be angry with him.
The problem is that you may end up feeling depressed instead of angry. You may blame yourself, feel worthless or take the breakup to be the end of your life. No breakup is the end of your life. No guy is that great that he cannot be replaced by anyone else in the whole wide world.
Depression can be a dangerous state of mind in your situation, because it can make you blind to the truth. According to a new study in Nature, depression may mess up your hate brain circuit. This is the circuit that normally is activated when you are angry for good reasons. When you are depressed, this circuit no longer functions properly. This may lead you to blame yourself and hate yourself instead of heating the person who broke up with you.
If someone just broke up with you, watch out. Don’t fall into a state of depression if you can help it. Search inside yourself for your angry feeling. Though anger can be inappropriate at times, it can also be a very healthy state of mind when the angry feeling is warranted.
To get back into a healthier angry-state-of-mind after a breakup, write down as many negative features of your ex as you possibly can. Don’t dwell on the positive. Be honest. There probably were plenty of things you wanted to change about him and the way he treated you. Write all of this down. Additionally, do your best to associate negative things with your relationship with him. Even imagining him in disgusting scenarios may help you avoid sinking into depression and blaming yourself.