Occasionally we will be featuring someone who recently suffered or is still suffering from a past breakup or related heartaches. This is the first interview in this series.
1) Age, sex, relationship status
32, Female, Single
2) How long ago did the breakup happen? And how long had you been in the relationship when it happened?
Eleven months. Almost four years
3) How did you meet?
We met at a restaurant where I was working. He was out with a few of his male friends. They were pretty drunk. A couple of his friends made some really inappropriate comments about my butt. I told the owner I wasn’t going to finish the table and she threw them out. At the time they left I was going over the specials at a table near the entrance. I saw him standing there waiting. When I was done he said he was really sorry and asked when I was off, if he could buy me a drink to make up for it. I met him at the bar next door at 11. He bought me a couple of drinks. We talked. He was eight years older than me. Married. Three kids. Nothing happened that night. But we exchanged phone numbers.
4) What was your relationship like?
He sent me a text later that night saying how embarrassed he was about his friends. We started texting each other. It was pretty innocent. He told me about his kids and his job. Nothing happened for a couple of weeks. Then one night he texted me when I was at work. He said he was next door alone, whether I wanted to join him after work. So I did. We made out that night in the bar. After that we started seeing each other pretty regularly, mostly at my place, like every other week or so. We were clearly falling in love with each other. But he was married. I didn’t put any pressure on him but I was secretly hoping he would leave his wife, though I knew it was never going to happen. The kids were pretty young.
5) Who initiated the breakup? And what were the details of the breakup?
I did. After seeing each other pretty regularly for three years, he started becoming more distant. I think he felt guilty and was afraid of getting caught. Sometimes I wouldn’t hear from him for weeks. I never made a big deal out of it, and he never really said why he was being so distant. Then suddenly I didn’t hear from him for three months. I sent him one or two text messages but he never responded. After three months he texted me, asking what I was doing, if I was in the mood. He didn’t comment on his disappearance act all. At that point I had pretty much given up on him. I was pretty heartbroken after the first few weeks when I didn’t hear from him. But I managed to move on. When he suddenly texted me, I didn’t know what to do. I said he could come over. So he did. We had pretty amazing sex. Afterward we were talking a bit. Then he said he had to go home. I felt really angry, I felt like he just used me. He usually stayed much longer. So I told him. He said he couldn’t see me that often when he was married, he didn’t seem to understand how I was feeling at all. So I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore. He was both chocked and sad. He tried to make me change my mind. But I didn’t.
6) What were the effects of the breakup physically and psychologically?
When I saw him leave, I felt terrible. I considered running after him. But I didn’t. I felt horrible for months. I felt worse than when he didn’t contact me because I was the one who made the decision.
7) How did you cope?
I started going out a lot. I hooked up with a lot of guys. But it never did anything for me. As time went by I started feeling better. But I am still not fully over him. I don’t know if I ever will be.
8 ) Did you try to get your ex back?
No I never contacted him, and he never contacted me. I know I will never see him again, unless I accidentally run into him.
9) Do you miss your ex? If so, what do you miss most?
I miss him a lot. I don’t always think about it. But sometimes it really hurts. I really miss his texts and our conversations. The sex was great, amazing really. But I mostly miss talking to him.
10) What sort of impact has the relationship with your ex had on you as a person?
I realize not everything is forever. That makes me kind of sad and also scared of starting something with someone new. But I don’t regret being with him. He made me feel like I was special. He took me seriously, like my opinions mattered. I think it has made me less afraid of expressing my opinions when I am with other people.
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