Occasionally we will be featuring someone who recently suffered or is still suffering from a past breakup or related heartaches. This is the fourth interview in this series. To read the third interview in the series, click here.
1) Age, sex, relationship status
25. Female. Single.
2) How long ago did the breakup happen? And how long had you been in the relationship when it happened?
A couple of years ago. Five years on and off.
3) How did you meet?
We met at a party. I didn’t really know anyone, except for my friend who invited me. It was around Christmas, and I was home visiting my parents. I noticed he was really cute, dark hair, dark eyes, really tanned. I think he noticed I looked at him, and he sort of just passed by asking if I needed a drink. Then we started talking, he was in med school. My plan then was to go to college but I was taking a year off. I worked as a waitress, now I am a manager at the same restaurant. We talked and drank all night and ended up at his place. I think we were both too drunk to remember much from that night, and when I woke up the next morning, I just took off, he has still sleeping. I didn’t think I would see him again. But somehow he managed to track down my number and he called two days later. We saw each other every day until the break was over and I had to go back home.
4) What was your relationship like?
For a couple of years it was long distance. He would come visit me every other weekend and during the summer break. I applied to some colleges close to where he was but I didn’t get in. In the meantime the owner had made me the manager because she was starting up a new place, so I suddenly had a really good job. I applied for some similar jobs closer to him but no one wanted to hire me without a college degree. At some point I just got so frustrated with everything that I just broke it off with him. It was just too hard to keep being long distance. Then my ex decided he wanted to do research and landed a post doc in my town. So we lived together for a year. That year was really good but then he moved away, and it was long distance again. I really hated it. Whenever he told me he had been out with friends or whatever, I imagined the worst.
5) Who initiated the breakup? And what were the details of the breakup?
I broke up with him a couple of times. The last time I really meant it. Of course, he didn’t think so. But I just couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t even wait till he was coming out to see me. I just told him on Skype. He didn’t believe me, he thought for sure we would get back together again. But there just wasn’t any future for us. He had a great job in a different city. I had a great job, too but I had been extremely lucky, without a college degree and all. I thought about going back to college but I just never really felt like it. I wouldn’t even get a better job afterwards. So it really wasn’t worth it.
6) What were the effects of the breakup physically and psychologically?
I really felt bad but I knew it was the right thing to do. We continued being in touch for a long time but we didn’t see each other again. He wanted to come out but I told him not to. I remember we were both crying a lot. I don’t know how I managed to do my job but I somehow did. Eventually I started feeling better and as time went by we had less and less contact. Now we don’t talk at all. I still think about him a lot, though. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing.
7) How did you cope?
I didn’t really do anything special. I just worked long hours at the restaurant and then talked to my ex on Skype. I knew I wouldn’t get back together with him but I still needed to talk to him for a long time.
8) Did you try to get your ex back?
No. He was constantly trying to convince me that we should get back together. I just knew it wasn’t possible. I told him, but I guess I should have left him alone right away. Instead I kept talking to him because I missed him so much.
9) Do you miss your ex? If so, what do you miss most?
Sometimes I really really miss him. Sometimes I even cry for a couple of hours because things didn’t work out but it’s rare now. I do miss him when I see things that remind me of him, though.
10) What sort of impact has the relationship with your ex had on you as a person?
I know that I will never ever have a long distance relationship again. It just doesn’t work. It’s not just the jealousy, it’s the lack of physical contact. It’s like it’s not a relationship, and yet you are committed to another person, so you can’t even see other people. We did talk about seeing other people but we both agreed that that would just make it worse.
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